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Apr. 17th, 2014

Why is it that I'm so tired of being alone, but I just want to be left alone?

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there are so many things that I have in my heart to say, words to express and thoughts to expell but when I sit down to do so I just draw a blank. I think that I might delete this journal and start anew somewhere else. i have fond memories of livejournal but as I have grown I realize that I am not the same girl that once cried into this box, and it is ok to actually leave some things behind. I don't have to save every memory, I don't have to download every old file. It's ok to just let the past lie in it's grave.

alcohol makes me too thinky. hate myself.

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sometimes I feel like no one wants me around unless im either drunk or either bitchy funny.

Feb. 3rd, 2012

I don't want to die. I also want to stop trying to live up to what everyone else needs. some days I just want to be a fucking hermit.

 

but I get lonely. and then I text him. and help him feel better about himself and all his problems. where are my phone calls? my friend, who "cares for me" has NEVER lifted the phone to call me and inquire about my day. why can't I let go? I don't need him. I don't need anyone. I watch tv and wait for the day to rewind and start over. therapy didn't help. I couldn't tell the truth. that I am sad and incomplete all of the time. I want more but im scared. I've never had good friends that actually asked me about how I am. just the casual polite greeting before we're back on them.

 

I cared so much and still so for him. I also hate him. he is blind and can't see that he tortured me. he is in "love" with a whore. she drags him along on purple. I am disgusted by the whole thing but its like a murder scene....I can't stop watching. investigating. trying to figure out what I did wrong.

 


goodbye.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

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Nov. 29th, 2011


why is it that I keep making the same mistakes?

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

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Mar. 26th, 2010



I want to live here! but with sensible windows and doors to prevent drafts. I hate super high bills!