I don't want to die. I also want to stop trying to live up to what everyone else needs. some days I just want to be a fucking hermit.

 

but I get lonely. and then I text him. and help him feel better about himself and all his problems. where are my phone calls? my friend, who "cares for me" has NEVER lifted the phone to call me and inquire about my day. why can't I let go? I don't need him. I don't need anyone. I watch tv and wait for the day to rewind and start over. therapy didn't help. I couldn't tell the truth. that I am sad and incomplete all of the time. I want more but im scared. I've never had good friends that actually asked me about how I am. just the casual polite greeting before we're back on them.

 

I cared so much and still so for him. I also hate him. he is blind and can't see that he tortured me. he is in "love" with a whore. she drags him along on purple. I am disgusted by the whole thing but its like a murder scene....I can't stop watching. investigating. trying to figure out what I did wrong.

 

goodbye.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

I'm not dead!

tonight!!

currently listening

I want to live here! but with sensible windows and doors to prevent drafts. I hate super high bills!

that's enough for now, feel free to add your own.

I'm posting this because I never post, and I always say that there's nothing going on for me to post about. I'm a whiner and just because I'm not out doing things like I did in college doesn't mean I don't do things.

anywho. I decided that I was going to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch. 1: I always burn cookies. 2. I always use the packaged dough or mix. 3. these were freaking DELICIOUS! 4. they are really really soft still and I made them two days ago! 5. because I struggle with reading recipes correctly I added my mistakes...I mean "alterations" after the recipe.

thick and chewy chocolate chip cookies
from: my recipes.com
Ingredients

* 1 cup (1/2 lb.) butter, at room temperature
* 1 1/2 cups firmly packed brown sugar
* 2 large eggs
* 1 teaspoon vanilla
* 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips (12 oz.)
* 1 cup chopped pecans (optional)

Preparation

1. In a bowl, with an electric mixer on medium speed, beat butter and brown sugar until well blended. Beat in eggs and vanilla until smooth, scraping down sides of bowl as needed.

2. In another bowl, mix flour, baking soda, and salt. Stir or beat into butter mixture until well incorporated. Stir in chocolate chips and pecans, if using.

3. Drop dough in 2-tablespoon (1/8-cup) portions, 2 inches apart, onto buttered 12- by 15-inch baking sheets.

4. Bake in a 400° oven until cookies are lightly browned and no longer wet in the center (break one open to check), 6 to 8 minutes; if baking more than one pan at a time, switch pan positions halfway through baking.

5. With a wide spatula, transfer cookies to racks to cool. If hot cookies start to break, slide a thin spatula under them to release; let stand on pan to firm up, 2 to 5 minutes, then transfer to racks to cool completely.

yeild: 28 cookies
___________________________________________
ok so I used cheap margarine instead of real butter, I accidentally used a full teaspoon of salt so I added in a half teaspoon of white sugar. I also baked them for almost twelve minutes because my oven takes longer than others to bake things. they turned out GREAT! crispy on the bottom and chewy in the middles. I don't have cooling racks so I just scooped them off the bottom so they wouldn't stick and let them cool on the cookie sheets. I also added walnuts to a little bit of the batter at the end to see how they'd taste. they are much better with just the chocolate!

• 20:52 @oozingsexuality if you are then I guess I am too! I don't think I've ever watched one! #
• 23:36 twitpic.com/120lhp - Rainbow nails! Apparently i'm bored... #
• 08:52 @iheartperuvians nope! I was too so I made a breakfast burrito! #

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